Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Pablo...stop combing your ball hair!

Yesterday morning, when I turned off my alarm (at 4:20 AM) I must have fucked it up, because this morning, it was set on music, and the volume for that was turned way down. Because of that, instead of waking at 4:25 AM, I woke at 5:45. Since I'm the first person to get in each day, I NEED to be there at 5 AM to make sure that any problems that users might encounter with our equipment (UNIX stuff) are fixed ASAP. I was totally paranoid this morning, too, because one of the baselines has a big, important test this week, and I thought it was this morning. Fortunately for me, its tomorrow morning, and the users from that baseline aren't even here. The really bad thing, though, is that last night I was bar-b-que'ing steaks at my dads, and we use mesquite very liberally, so this morning, I smell like mesquite wood from the smoke, not to mention the fact that both my father, step-mother, and step-brother smoke...

I'm going to head home in about an hour, once another guy gets here, and take a shower...He'll be in at about 7:30. We have shower facilities here, because we've got Navy personnel doing PT all the time. The guy who gets in here at 6:30 just told me that I should go take a shower up there. This is a nice segway into a topic that I HATE talking about...

When I first started here, I was using the Navy's workout facilities. I got out of work around 4:30, after which, I would change in the locker room. This guy, we'll call him Pablo, was up there two days a week, showering. Now when I say showering, this guy was normally in there for about an hour, then would get out, dry off, and "groom" himself naked for at least another hour. One day, I came in, and he was behind my locker, one leg up on a bench, as if in a "Captain Morgan" pose, with his head almost buried in his crotch...I shit you not. After he heard me walk up and open my locker, he turned his head around, and very nonchalantly, said "So, how's the weather?" This is about what ran through my head:

'I don't want to tell you how the weather is! You're fucking naked! Shut your fucking mouth, if necessary, put it back in your damn crotch! You're a nasty motherfucker, always walking around naked, making all the men in here feel weird because you're in here for two hours per day. What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you have a job or a family? Are you some kind of weird exhibitionist, wanting to show off for men? Do you get off when men see you naked? Should I cut off your balls and shove them up your ass for you?'

All I could muster, however, was "It's raining." At that point, I grabbed my work clothes, closed my locker, and ran the fuck around the corner to hastily slap my jeans and polo shirt on. I ran out of the locker room, and in my haste to get shit out of my locker, I locked the key for my locker, as well as my badge, in the locker. I was so skeeved out, I didn't even bother going to get my spare key, just ran the hell out of the building. The next morning, I had to get a temp badge, and go to the locker room admin to get my spare key.

The worst part of the whole thing is that for a long time, this guy didn't work here. He worked in another building, but came here to shower two days per week. A couple weeks ago, he was transferred over here temporarily, thus, he's here every day! Monday, I was walking out of the locker room, this time at 1:10 PM, going to work out, and I see him naked, ready to get in the shower. I worked out until about 2:20, and sure enough, by the time I got back downstairs, he was standing there naked. Fortunately for me, I had my locker moved to the other side of the locker room. I didn't want to see that man naked again...Hopefully they'll transfer him out of this building quickly.